The Laser
by DannyFenton123
Summary: Darwin, Nicole and Anais head into the supermarket to get Gumball a birthday present. A misunderstanding, a fingerprint and a laser pointer later and they find themselves in yet another bizarre situation. One shot.


"Really, you two?" Anais frowned as Nicole lifted them into the shopping trolley. "Gumball's birthday is tomorrow and you two still haven't gotten him a birthday present?"

Nicole sighed. "I was busy."

"And I'm always with Gumball!" Darwin added. "Y'know, it's kind of weird being separated. It's like not having a nose." The fish felt their face. "Wait, my nose is gone! It must be with Gumball! Hel-"

"Darwin, you don't have a nose!"

"Oh, yeah. Phew. But I'm missing a Gumball…"

Anais looked around as Nicole steered them into the toy aisle. "So… is Gumball with Dad then?"

"Yes, sweetie." The blue cat took out two figures from the shelf and studied them. "Hmm, is Gumball too old for these, do you think?"

"Mom, I bought the one on the left for him."

"Oh, silly me! I'll just-"

"No, the one on my left!"

"Your left?"

"Yes, my left! It's… ugh, they're too similar anyway. Maybe something else, Mom?"

Darwin spoke up from the opposite shelf. "How about a laser pointer?" At this, Nicole's eyes immediately widened.

"Darwin, put that back this instant!" The cat shuddered. "Those are horrible things, with the little red dot that moves everywhere…. Drives me crazy!"

The fish slowly backed away and carefully replaced the laser pointer on the shelf. "Uh, Mrs Mom? Mrs Mom? Let's look somewhere else."

Nicole shook themselves. "Oh, yes, right. And I forgot to ask you Darwin, but is there anything you'd like to get Gumball?"

"I'm… not sure, actually."

"Why don't you have a look around with Anais? Meet me back at the cereal aisle when you're done."

Anais looked up. "What? Why me?"

"You can look after your brother, sweetie." Nicole lifted them out of the trolley and ruffled their head."

Darwin grinned. "Okay. We'll meet you back at the serial killer aisle!"

" _Cereal_ aisle."

"Yeah, that." The two siblings turned and headed away. Anais somewhat boredly followed their brother as they paced up and down the aisles, frowning. After a minute they cleared their throat.

"Yeah, Anais?"

"Do you have any ideas for what to get Gumball?"

Darwin pulled a face and shook their head. "I have no idea. Gumball never says what he wants!"

Anais shot them a skeptical look.

"Well, he does but he gets bored of it really quickly. It happens every Christmas!"

"Hmmm…" Anais stroked their chin. "So we need something that won't last long enough for Gumball to get bored of it. Maybe Mom had the right idea going to the food aisle."

Darwin lit up. "That's it!" They grabbed Anais' hand and started running.

"Darwin! Why are you running to the frozen food?"

The fish slowed, and looked around. "I had an idea, but I forgot- _it's the fingerprint guy_!" They ducked behind their sister, who frowned and glanced up.

Standing right in front of them was indeed the fingerprint guy, dragging a large black bag behind them. When they heard a scream they turned and glared at the pair.

"It's Sal, kid!" The fingerprint growled. "And would you keep it down, you're going to cause a scene."

"You're gonna rob the store!" Darwin loudly exclaimed. Behind them an orange woman pushing a stroller gasped and pulled out their phone.

Sal rolled their eyes. "No, for once I'm not. I'm a reformed man; I've got a nice job restocking the shelves here." They pulled out a firecracker from their bag. "Right now I'm taking these firecrackers to the Fourth of July section, and I don't need you kids-"

"Oh my god!" There was a shout from behind. "Those kids said Sal Left Thumb is going to rob the store!"

Darwin blinked, coming out from behind Anais. "I'm so sorry-"

"Hey, you!" Sal waved a firecracker at the lady, clearly not listening to Darwin. "I'm not robbing the store! I've just got these-"

"He's going to blow up the supermarket with those firecrackers! Everybody, run!"

Mass hysteria erupted. People ran screaming out of the store, clutching whatever supplies they had picked out. An alarm blared, and Larry came into view.

"What's going on here?" Larry demanded, before setting an eye on Sal. "It's you, stealing again! I'm going to have to fire you, sir!"

Darwin tried to intervene. "Wait, Sal didn't do-"

"Oh, yeah?" Sal snarled, pointing the firecracker at Larry. "You people don't even want to hear my side of the story, do ya? Well I tell you what, I've had it with this job! I've had it with this town! You want a criminal?" They dropped the bag, threw away the highly explosive firecracker in their hand and drew out a rusty spoon. The fingerprint's eyes narrowed. "You've got yourselves a criminal."

Larry gasped and ran away in terror. "He's-he's got a spoon! Save yourselves!"

Anais grabbed Darwin. "We will!" Before they could get anywhere, however, the fish felt themselves getting grabbed by the shoulder. "Darwin!" The bunny backed up. "I'll get Mom!"

Meanwhile Sal was brandishing their spoon in front of a whimpering Darwin. "Not so fast, you little rascal! Thanks to you I'm back to being a criminal!"

"Please, sir!" Darwin whimpered. "I'm really sorry, I just wanna see Gumball again-"

"Sorry doesn't cut it, sucker!" Sal picked up the black bag and emptied it of firecrackers, still maintaining a firm grip on the fish. "Now, what should I steal first? The frozen macaroni and cheese or the frozen tuna casserole?"

"F-frozen t-t-tuna casserole!" Darwin sobbed. "The m-m-macaroni just t-tastes like sawdust."

"Frozen tuna casserole it is." Sal was just beginning to empty the freezer's contents into their bag when there was a voice at the end of the aisle. It sounded very familiar to the fingerprint… and not in a good way.

Nicole stabbed a finger at Sal. Beside them was Anais. "You get your dirty hands off my son!"

"It's that woman!" Sal gasped. "Now I remember why I quit stealing things…" They cleared their throat and waved the spoon at Nicole. "You want this sucker? You're gonna have to get through me!"

Rolling up their sleeves, Nicole advanced on the fingerprint. Sal panicked, dropped Darwin and took off.

"Darwin!" Nicole quickly picked up the fish and brushed them over. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, Mrs Mum. Thanks for the save! But we gotta-"

"We gotta get that dangerous criminal?" Nicole flashed them a dangerous grin. "I'm already on it, sweetie!"

"That's not what I meant!" Darwin called out, but their mother was already gone. They looked to Anais. "This is all my fault."

Anais frowned. "I'm not so sure. There are a lot of factors as to why a criminal might be driven to reoffend. You probably just pushed him over the edge."

Darwin looked stricken. "I pushed someone over an edge…" They suddenly heard a scream and the sound of something falling, and took off in that direction. "Mom! Mom, wait!"

"Darwin!" Anais took off after Darwin. "Wait for me!"

Meanwhile, Sal was cornered in the toy aisle. They had been trapped when Nicole pushed over one of the aisles, and now as the lady advanced were very much regretting their recent life choices.

The fingerprint shakily held out a spoon. "Don't come any closer, or I'll be forced to-" The weapon was swiped out of their hands and clattered out of reach.

"You were going to hurt my kids." Nicole hissed.

"No I wasn't!" Sal protested. "Well, I was going to hurt one of them, but… Um, I should shut up, shouldn't I?"

"Mom, wait!" Darwin rounded a corner, causing Nicole to turn. Sal took this chance to grab something off of the shelves.

"Aha! Now you suckers, don't make me come any closer or I'll have to use this… laser pointer." Sal blinked, holding their 'weapon' up to inspect. "Huh, I was sure I grabbed one of those stuffed animals."

Nicole was backing away, sweating all of a sudden "Oh no… I mean, what are you going to do with that – laser pointer – anyway? It's-it's useless!"

Sal clicked the laser pointer and a red dot appeared on the floor, trembling in time with the fingerprint's arm. Nicole's eyes went straight to it.

"Uh, Mom?" Anais nervously tugged their mother's skirt. "Are you alright?"

Nicole's eye twitched in a very not-alright manner. "Yes, sweetie. I just need to-" All of a sudden they jumped forwards and landed all-fours on the red spot and began pawing at it, yowling. Darwin and Anais looked on in horror.

Anais leaned over to Darwin and whispered, "I'm just happy she's wearing a skort."

Meanwhile, Sal had realized their desperate attempt to save themselves had actually worked. They began to laugh as they stood up, and pointed the laser at Darwin's feet. "Yes, yes, now go attack that boy!"

Nicole pounced at the spot and continued to try and catch it, paying not the slightest bit of attention to Darwin. The fish blinked. "Okay, this is just getting awkward. But I need to say-"

"That didn't work?" Sal picked up their spoon. "Fine, I'll have to do it the old fashioned way then."

Darwin and Anais grabbed each other's hands and ran, quickly loosing Sal in the maze of aisles. Eventually they ducked behind the meat counter, trembling.

"This is awful." Darwin whisper-bemoaned. "He's captured Mrs. Mom and now he's after us!"

Anais placed a hand on their brother's shoulder. "Shhh, he'll hear us! So, uh, do we have any sort of plan?"

Darwin rubbed their eye. "Well, Gumball would know what to do. We should go and get him to help."

"That wouldn't work."

"Why?"

"Gumball's a cat. And the fingerprint guy's got the laser pointer, duh!" Anais immediately slapped a hand over their mouth as they heard a distant voice call, 'I can hear you!' They sank back down, their ears quivering in fear. "Plus, uh, you'd need to tell him you went shopping the day before his birthday."

"Okay, do we have another plan?"

"I'm thinking…"

"Come on, Anais!" Darwin pleaded. "We gotta think of something!"

"Sheesh, I said I was thinking!"

"You know," Sal spoke up from somewhere in the supermarket. "I've seen giants hide quieter than you two suckers! You'll be lucky- ow, hey, no! Don't go towards the cans! Aaah!"

Darwin and Anais watched an aisle tumble to the ground, causing a racket with the noise of thousands of aluminum cans falling to the floor. It was frighteningly close to their hiding spot.

"I'm okay!" Sal called out after a moment.

"Cans…" Anais grabbed Darwin. "I know what to do! Come on!"

~Line Break~

Sal was looking down at Nicole, who was still completely under the spell of the laser pointer. They chuckled somewhat uncomfortably. "I've, heh, done a lot of bad stuff, but I think this is a new low."

"You bet it is." Came a voice from behind them. Sal turned to see a doughnut policeman pointing a taser at them. "That's called cruel and unusual punishment, and I'm taking you in for it!" They blinked. "Wow, that actually sounded like a cool policeman line."

"Oh really?" The fingerprint smirked, and moved the laser pointer right up to the policeman's toes. Nicole spotted the red dot's new location and began bounding towards it.

"What are you doing?" The policeman nervously eyed the cat charging towards them at full speed. "That's not, uh, gonna scare me!"

Nicole leapt the final distance, claws extended. The policeman suddenly recoiled and ran out of the shop, calling for backup. The cat harmlessly landed on the red spot and continued poking at it.

Sal cackled. "Now that was funny... pity it's giving my hand a cramp from pressing the button. Hmm, so what should I steal next?" Before they could do anything, however, something hit them hard in the back of the head. "Ow, what was that- a can?"

"Hey, fingerprint man!" There was a noise from the other end of the aisle. Anais and Darwin were standing next to an entire shelf of cans. "You give us back our mother!"

"Never, suckers!" Sal retorted. "Mostly because she'd kill me."

The fingerprint pointed the laser right at their feet, but Anais bent down and reflected the light back at Sal's hand. Nicole jumped up at Sal, which was enough to get them to squeal and drop the laser pointer.

"Woohoo!" Darwin and Anais punched their hands in the air. That moment passed quickly, though, when they saw a spoon levered at their throats.

"You kids." Sal growled. "I don't know how you kept it up this long, but it's the end of the line!"

Darwin tried to take a step back, but the fingerprint took a firm hold of their arm. "Nobody's going anywhere. There's no more little tricks, no more running, no more Moth-" Sal stopped dead. "Oh no."

From behind, Nicole took Sal's spoon-wielding hand and twisted the weapon out of it, before locking it behind their back. Sal winced in pain. "Phew. Y'know, I thought you wouldn't go as easy on me-"

"Oh, you don't have to worry about me going easy on you. You're going to jail for everything you did today."

Darwin spoke up. "Wait, there's something I wanted to say!" Nicole looked over.

"Are you kids alright?"

"We're fine, Mrs. Mom." Darwin stepped closer to Sal. "I just wanted to say, I'm sorry for getting you in trouble in the first place. It was all my fault."

The fingerprint blinked. "You're sorry? Well, I guess for what it's worth it wasn't entirely your fault. There's a lot of reasons I blew up today… You just pushed me over the edge, kid."

"That's very sweet, Darwin." Nicole smiled, then jerked Sal around to face the front. "Now I'm handing you to the police."

"Aww, come on lady. Any of you guys feeling generous enough to let me off? Come on, just this one time?"

"You threatened my kids, you made me chase a laser pointer around a supermarket for an entire hour _and_ you made us loose the chance to get Gumball a birthday present! What do you think the answer is?"

Gumball gasped. "Gumball's present!"

~Line Break~

"And that's why only two of us got you a birthday present this year, Gumball." Darwin hugged their brother. "I'm sorry, buddy."

"Don't worry about it, Darwin." Gumball sat back in the sofa, looking very relaxed. Darwin smiled.

"Wow. You're taking this really well!"

"Course I am." The cat slid off the sofa. "Mom gave me fifty dollars and told me I could spend it on my own birthday present!"

"Wow! What are you going to spend it on?"

"Laser tag, tomorrow! This new place just opened in town, it looks really cool!"

Darwin stopped in their tracks. "Laser tag? A-are you sure that's a good idea? Gumball?" The fish jumped off the sofa and followed their brother up to the stairs. "Gumball, wait!"


End file.
